Brenda Yap

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Meltdown

05 May 2007 7:46 pm 2 comments

Yesterday I sort of had a meltdown. It was pretty bad -- I'd been working on this idea for slightly more than a week, for my studio; but when I took it to class the lecturer said she prefered my original idea and told me to work on something else. And it made sense -- I'd gone off track and the new design was pretty boring anyway.

But when I got home and tried sketching and making models, I just couldn't envision what I wanted, because the model I had made was in a weird shape and had slanted planes and whatnot. I just couldn't think, and the more I tried to think, the worse I felt. I tried taking time off and doing other things, but my mind just kept going back to the model and it just felt like shit, lol. I thought about it for so long until I just burst into tears.

I don't know if this is something to do with it being that time of the month, or me being away from home, or whatever, but it was awful. I cried and phoned Wazir and my mum and cried even more. I finally got fed up with myself and forced myself to sleep early, at 12.30am! [I've been sleeping at like 5am everyday lately.]

But anyway. I woke up this morning feeling better and I talked my design over with Wazir, and I've started making a new model and it looks alright so far. I just.. I felt so weak yesterday; it was weird. I just couldn't control my emotions and I felt so alone. I guess I still have to get used to me being on my own here in Melbourne, and frankly, I finished my coursework at Cenfad a year ago, so I need to get my rhythm back after being on holiday for quite a while.

Man, this is bad. I haven't been blogging in ages and when I come back all I can do is whine and feel depressed. :P Anyway... Hope you all have a great weekend. :)

(2) Comments

  1. Anonymous On Sun May 06, 07:41:00 am

    dear Bren,

    Its Joanne here, (in case you have another fren called joanne, im the one in ny, :) ) hang in there ya, i totally understand how that feels, have had several meltdowns like this, i think u'll only feel better after a breakdown, letting it all out...

    im sure your model will turn out great! so dont worry too much and email me anytime!

    hope to see you soon!

    love,
    joanne

     
    Brenda Y On Mon May 07, 08:15:00 pm

    Hey Joanne! Oh I'm so glad you found my blog.. Hehe. Now we can keep in touch easier again. :P

    Things can get so tough.. Especially in the design field.. Nothing much to refer to, nothing to study.. Sometimes I feel so lost when the ideas don't come.. So uninspired. :( Especially when lecturers don't like my ideas, you know what I mean? :/

    Thanks though. :) I feel better now.. Hehe..

    Hope I get to see you soon although it probably won't be for a while.. Hugs!

     

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