Yesterday I sort of had a meltdown. It was pretty bad -- I'd been working on this idea for slightly more than a week, for my studio; but when I took it to class the lecturer said she prefered my original idea and told me to work on something else. And it made sense -- I'd gone off track and the new design was pretty boring anyway.
But when I got home and tried sketching and making models, I just couldn't envision what I wanted, because the model I had made was in a weird shape and had slanted planes and whatnot. I just couldn't think, and the more I tried to think, the worse I felt. I tried taking time off and doing other things, but my mind just kept going back to the model and it just felt like shit, lol. I thought about it for so long until I just burst into tears.
I don't know if this is something to do with it being that time of the month, or me being away from home, or whatever, but it was awful. I cried and phoned Wazir and my mum and cried even more. I finally got fed up with myself and forced myself to sleep early, at 12.30am! [I've been sleeping at like 5am everyday lately.]
But anyway. I woke up this morning feeling better and I talked my design over with Wazir, and I've started making a new model and it looks alright so far. I just.. I felt so weak yesterday; it was weird. I just couldn't control my emotions and I felt so alone. I guess I still have to get used to me being on my own here in Melbourne, and frankly, I finished my coursework at Cenfad a year ago, so I need to get my rhythm back after being on holiday for quite a while.
Man, this is bad. I haven't been blogging in ages and when I come back all I can do is whine and feel depressed. :P Anyway... Hope you all have a great weekend. :)
But when I got home and tried sketching and making models, I just couldn't envision what I wanted, because the model I had made was in a weird shape and had slanted planes and whatnot. I just couldn't think, and the more I tried to think, the worse I felt. I tried taking time off and doing other things, but my mind just kept going back to the model and it just felt like shit, lol. I thought about it for so long until I just burst into tears.
I don't know if this is something to do with it being that time of the month, or me being away from home, or whatever, but it was awful. I cried and phoned Wazir and my mum and cried even more. I finally got fed up with myself and forced myself to sleep early, at 12.30am! [I've been sleeping at like 5am everyday lately.]
But anyway. I woke up this morning feeling better and I talked my design over with Wazir, and I've started making a new model and it looks alright so far. I just.. I felt so weak yesterday; it was weird. I just couldn't control my emotions and I felt so alone. I guess I still have to get used to me being on my own here in Melbourne, and frankly, I finished my coursework at Cenfad a year ago, so I need to get my rhythm back after being on holiday for quite a while.
Man, this is bad. I haven't been blogging in ages and when I come back all I can do is whine and feel depressed. :P Anyway... Hope you all have a great weekend. :)
dear Bren,
Its Joanne here, (in case you have another fren called joanne, im the one in ny, :) ) hang in there ya, i totally understand how that feels, have had several meltdowns like this, i think u'll only feel better after a breakdown, letting it all out...
im sure your model will turn out great! so dont worry too much and email me anytime!
hope to see you soon!
love,
joanne
Hey Joanne! Oh I'm so glad you found my blog.. Hehe. Now we can keep in touch easier again. :P
Things can get so tough.. Especially in the design field.. Nothing much to refer to, nothing to study.. Sometimes I feel so lost when the ideas don't come.. So uninspired. :( Especially when lecturers don't like my ideas, you know what I mean? :/
Thanks though. :) I feel better now.. Hehe..
Hope I get to see you soon although it probably won't be for a while.. Hugs!