Brenda Yap

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You think..

30 June 2005 2:23 am 0 comments

You think I don't know you but the truth is, I love you more than life itself.

I'll miss you.

12:15 am 0 comments

I have so much to write about but I'm really tired. Today was a very fun day, despite the fact that I woke up feeling worse than I have over the last few days. My throat is sore and my nose is constantly blocked. I hope I get well by tomorrow. Anyway the lowdown on what I did today [very summarized; I am not thinking straight now] :: I woke up late, went to PJ with Yen and Sun to pay off a bill, met some old friends in Hartamas [Jeremy, Alv and Hariz -- it was nice seeing them all again], scared Yen and Sun with my *ahem* konon driving skills, walked into more than enough bookstores [*cough Yen cough* ;)] and other stuff.

I guess the highlight of the day had to be when Yew Sun entertained us by accidentally walking into a female toilet without realizing it. It was hilarious; he only realized he was in the female toilet when he was peeing and he saw the sanitary pad dispenser in the cubicle. What a laugh.

Maybe will elaborate later. No pictures though, this time. My friends are all camera shy.

Off to Redang tomorrow. Damn hungry now la!

Thinking of you I drive myself crazy

28 June 2005 2:54 am 8 comments

Jolene came over earlier to borrow a few vcds [okay, okay, it wasn't a few, it turned out to be a whole stack. :P] Had such a long, enjoyable chat.

We both realized that conversation has become more mature from the last time we saw each other. Jo, if you're reading this, it was really nice talking to you. It's been a while that I've had a girlfriend to talk about intimate girl stuff with. I've really missed those girly sessions. I mean, obviously I do have girlfriends who I see everyday, but I don't have that much needed connection with them to talk about more open topics. I never realized how much I missed this.

I'll be going to Redang again this weekend with my mum, Brynna, grandma, aunt, and Yew Sun. Yeah, it's kind of weird but poor Sun needed some cheering up so I'm taking him along with me. At least I got teman now, hor? Now Wazir no need to worry liao. :) But I know that no matter what he will still worry worry about me. I love you babe.

Currently am revamping my myspace page. It looked like shit before. Hopefully you all would think it looks better now. Doing it more like for fucks; it's not like I really have any friends on myspace anyway. Here, go see it.

Fuck fuck fuck

27 June 2005 1:49 am 0 comments

Head is hurting like whoa. Like I've been sitting in the washing machine and it's going round and round and round.

Actually I've been sitting at the back of an Estima, from Taiping to KL.

I got my hair coloured in Taiping -- dad said it would be cheaper but Lay Kheng's bro recommended this place which turned out to be quite expensive anyway. Haha. It would've been cheaper to go to my regular stylist. I kinda feel bad for cheating on my stylist. >.<

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Brynna and I posing ala some sort of teeth advert.

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Posing posing.. :P

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Why is it that when I take pix with him I always look fucking retarded?

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Kisses for letting me take pix. :)

Good night.

very short entry

24 June 2005 2:30 pm 0 comments

Wednesday night, I met up with Jolene, Praveen, and Mae. It was really nice, seeing them again; after half a year or so. Strange; these are the people I used to hang out with every single day, and now every rare opportunity we have to meet up is so valuable. I miss you all. <33

Anyway, I have to go pack by bag now.. Am going to Taiping and Kedah with my dad, Lay Kheng and Brynna for the weekend. So.. Will be back Sunday.. Have a great weekend all. :)

This entry is for Yen

23 June 2005 1:18 pm 2 comments

I guess this probably would seem rather random, but the reason I'm writing this is because I was bored and just surfing around pointlessly. Somehow I ended up at Yen's old livejournal [which I will not link, and it's private, anyway], and there was something she wrote for me which really touched me. It was written about 2 or 3 years ago [I forgot], but I don't think I ever saw it before previously. Now that I stumbled upon it, it brings back a flood of memories.

Things have changed immensely ever since, and sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, to when things were so simple. We'd been studying in the same school for over a decade, it was such a safe place to be. Yen and I had lots of ups and downs; silly, petty arguments as kids; fooled around during Mr Chew's tuition [remember all the tricks we'd play on Yee Hong? Hahahaha!]; done tons of very embarassing things together but we had a lot of fun. She was my agony aunt and I was hers. Now, being in college, being apart, sometimes it hurts, that we don't have the same friends anymore, and we have less things in common to talk about. We don't have anyone in common to bitch about, and most times I can't understand what's happening with her because I don't know what's going on. At times I can feel like things are just slipping away and by the time we both go overseas, our friendship will only be a memory. Like, we'd bump into each other at the mall and I'd think oh, there's that girl, Yen; we were really close in primary and secondary school but somehow we lost touch.

I guess the best we can do is what we do now; meet up a few times each month to talk and just let loose and have fun [although dinners with you and Sun are extremely pricey due to Sun's expensive taste :P]. But hanging out with you guys are always so fun. We've always had our moments where we drift apart and hardly talk but then I know it's okay, because in time one of us will call the other and we'd be back on track as usual. Anyway.. I love you and I'm sorry that I do take you for granted sometimes. [I'm only human :P] I'll always be here if you need me, you know that. Things may be different but I'll try my best.

PS.> You know, every now and then Wazir still teases me about Care Bears. ;)

click [for her post]

Basically, the point of this entry was to say that I really, really love [ Bren ]. I've known her forever and she's always been there for me as much as possible. . . and she can actually stand me complaining and I need an outlet sometimes. And sometimes, she's the only one who understands my weirdness and why I feel the way I feel and why I am the way I am especially lately. Bren, I don't know what I would do without you. Especially lately, thanks so much. Still, for some reason I feel kinda bad because I don't want it to be about ME all the time and you need to talk more + shut me up sometimes. :D Really, if there's anything you ever want to talk about I'm always here for you; and I don't want this whole venting / ranting thing just to go one way. Thanks for being my friend for so long and we've been through a lot + done a lot of stupid things [ re: DD walk, sleepovers, and all that crap with Feez ] . . . Well, times change and so do we. But I'm glad you're still my friend! Love you loads. I know sometimes I tend to take you for granted & there were times when we didn't talk so much and basically just drifted apart - but when all's said and done I really appreciate you as a friend. You're the greatest! :D I'm meaning this 100% because I don't say things I don't mean... [ or at least trying ;D ] I don't know where all this mushiness came from.. just started thinking about my relationships with people and how they ... I don't know, are a part of me. Does that sound weird? *crosses fingers and hopes you understand* Appreciate + love you very much, and would like to stress that I mean everything I'm saying. *hugs*

Last week I got my hair trimmed whilst Wazir got a cut and dye. I didn't have enough cash for a highlight job so my hairdresser did some strands in front for free.

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Yes, I know, I have obvious zits on my forehead. I'm too lazy to photoshop it. My hairdresser blowdried my hair and at that time it was so nice and fluffy and shiny and glamorous, but actually it's dry and messy and half straight half wavy and just plain weird. My hair hates me so I tie it up. Hah.

This semester for Design Communication I have to compile my portfolio. Shit. This means digging out all my old assignments which have mostly been reduced to pulp from being stashed away in the cupboards too long. *sigh* Shereen belanja the whole class to dinner just now; and she's probably coming on our field trip to Bali Bangkok. :) Yay.

Oh, before I forget. More pictures. It's conveniently nice having a small little camera which I can carry around everywhere.

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My babies.

No, of course not. As if. Wazir and I wouldn't have such white babies, lol. My nephew and niece. Aren't they fucking adorable? Geramnyerrr...!! I visited over the weekend and before he went to bed my nephew kissed me thrice on my cheeks. Chomelness.

*yawn* Sleepy liao, going to tido. Have downloaded 4 episodes of Family Guy since yesterday. Now I can sleep happy.

PS> Does anyone know where I can take Mandarin language classes? Preferably Mont'Kiara // Hartamas area, or Subang. Reasonably priced. Would rather go to a language centre than have home tuition.

Happy Fathers' Day.. I love you dad

19 June 2005 11:27 pm 2 comments

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The shop didn't stock 1GB ones so dad settled for this [which came free with the T7], since he was in a rush before going to UK.

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Souvenirs from Europe. I collect keychains.

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Lay Kheng bought me this at the airport. It's so cutely pink and I totally love the bottle.

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She also got me this. My only designer item. Although I still can't believe designer items really cost as much as they do.

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My hair is so blah I got fed up and got clips.

Watched Malaysian Idol a few night ago and actually saw someone I know audition. It's weird; I was just thinking to myself, how come I never see anyone I know on MI? Then in walks Michael, the crazy Michael Jackson fan. I know him because he works at my dad's supermarket, Warta. At first sight I didn't recognize him, but there were shots of him dancing at work and I recognized the background. The poor dude, dissed on tv. He's really a nice and honest guy though, he has always been extremely polite and nice to me whenever I see him at the store. And he's a good dancer too. I do hope he does well for himself.

Friends is so funny. I'm off to watch.

12:35 am 3 comments

I went to OU with my dad and sis today and we bumped into a couple of old friends of his. The first comment one of them made was "Oh, I thought you were going out with your Indon maid."

Right now I feel okay, but at that moment, fuck, I was pissed. I didn't know what to think.. This ain't the first time that someone has made a reference to me as a maid. Don't get me wrong, I don't look down on maids, but who would want to be looked upon as one? The last time this happened, I was at my mum's condo and I went to the lobby with my kakak [maid] to help my mum with some bags. This neighbour datin of mine came by and commented to my mum, "I see you got two of your maids to come down and help you."

Maybe I'm just being oversensitive, it's not like these people mean these comments. It's not like they know. It just hurts because I have so many memories of me as a child and my cousins used to tease me and say that I was a malay baby, or an indian baby. Coming from a family where they are all chinese educated and sooo chinese looking, I always felt so left out when it came to these things. For starters, I don't look chinese, and I also have to get someone to translate every chinese sentence into english for me.

I've had my insecure moments, I know I'm not the most attractive female on earth. I admit; I'm tanned, I'm short, I've got small eyes, frizzy hair, imperfect eyesight with sensitive eyes so I can't wear contacts all the time. I'm doomed to wear heels, platforms and wedges everyday but it's okay, I love shoes anyway. But why do people enjoy making me feel bad about it? I'm okay with my skin colour, I've grown to accept it and like it; but when people say these things it's fucking annoying. Just because you're fucking pale and you use shitloads of whitening products to stay pale, it doesn't mean that being tan is a crime.

Okay. I've got it off my chest now. I'm feeling better. Thanks for bothering.

By the way, paper, thanks for the comment this morning. You're sweet.


18 June 2005 1:18 pm 0 comments

You know those annoying friendster testimonials with text which make out a picture of a bear, and whatnot? I received an email this morning saying I got a testimonial and was surprised that those text picture thingamagics have expanded to chinese text. God, what will they come up with next?

8___ 88_8___88___88_______88
___________Friends Forever____

clever to be nice

17 June 2005 3:05 pm 0 comments

In Cempaka, I learn good values
To be disciplined, hardworking and wise.
And that it is nice to be clever
And just as clever to be nice.

I found an old exercise book today and it brought back memories. Yesterday 2 cempakan friends I hadn't talked to in a bit contacted me; Kiat and Shu Ping. I miss wandering around the school compound just doing nothing, hanging about the lockers, pretending to leave books in the lockers just to get out of class, not having to worry about anything since I was dating the assistant head prefect [wahaha], and etc. School life was fun.. Compared to college life now. Well actually, come to think about it, college is fun too, but it's different. I don't feel like I click with people as much. I can't be myself, the way I am with Sun, Yen, Mae and the lot. All those people know me so much better than the people I'm studying with now. Except for Wazir, of course. Stacy at times, and Joanne and Shaza; but they both left. Oh, Jo's back in town now, I can't wait to meet up with her. But time does change things.

Oh, here are some pictures from about a month ago when Sun, Yen and I went out to buy birthday and belated birthday presents for each other. I know it's late, but I never got around to uploading them.

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As usual, click on picture for larger image.

I'll be going to dad's today after class. Since it's father's day this weekend and all.

everything's bright and breezy

15 June 2005 10:22 pm 1 comments

Yay! The internet is back! It was really frustrating to have it down for so long. Anyway the short semester [over summer break] has started and I have 3 classes, each twice a week. Guess I won't be as free as I thought I would be. I have to miss a couple of classes because end this month I'm going to Redang again. Mum and Brynna want to practice so I'm just tagging along.. Again. >.<

I watched Lady Boss in the cinemas today.. And it dawned upon me that before I was with Wazir, I would never step foot at the movies to watch this kind of show. I was like the only chinese there [although no one would've known anyway, I fit right in], but it didn't even bother me. I really would do anything for him.

My results for last semester weren't great. All Bs. B+, B, B-. Back in high school at least I knew that I would ace english and math. Now it's like.. a blur. I feel stupid and uncreative most of the time. I always thought that I was an average or above average student but recently I've just been feeling plain dumb. And the worst part is that this course is just so subjective that I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I could be less lazy.. But sometimes I really do miss those days where all I had to do was cram for a few days [although that was bloody stressing] and it would guarantee me good grades.

I'm feeling cheery now because I found the activation crack for my photoshop and it's all good now. I hated that stupid pop-up telling me that I only had 20 days and counting left to expiry.

Dad's coming back from UK tomorrow. Missed him.

Wireless down

12 June 2005 3:57 pm 0 comments

TimeNet's screwed up and my internet is down. Mum managed to do something to the settings and now it's working but only on the main computer.

Happy Birthday...

06 June 2005 6:43 pm 0 comments

Hope you have a great day. It's been about 10 years or so since we first met, we've come such a long way ever since. I miss having you around but I'll see you soon when you're back aight?
I just checked my drafts and realized that I forgot to post the movie meme that Leo passed on to me. >.< But by now it's kinda late already.. So well, forget it. Sorry Leo. :/

Wazir stayed over Friday night and it was great; we went out with the fam on Saturday and watched Star Wars Episode 3. Yesterday mum decided to buy the DVD box set which consists of Episodes 4, 5, and 6. Brynna's really hooked. In between the Star Wars marathon we baked a cheese cake and cupcakes. :)

Shopping yesterday was fun, got me Cecelia Ahern's new book, Where Rainbows End, and also a pair of bedroom slippers from Women's Secret. Oh, the day before I went to Redang I went shopping with Sun and Yen and it was so fun! Yen bought me a bag from Converse and I love it so much, I've been using it ever since. I've got some pictures but they'll have to wait.

I've been feeling better about myself and things. Today I'm going out with Wazir to get some stuff in KL.

Pictures from the Redang trip

03 June 2005 2:36 pm 2 comments

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Brynna and my mum returning from their first diving trip.

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The beautiful beach.

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Mum, Brynna, and their diving instructor.

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Brynna and her newfound friend Alyssa playing congkak.

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Brynna, Joe and I took a walk so that Brynna could collect shells. It's blur though. >.<

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Brynna and Alyssa.

snap out of it

2:01 pm 0 comments

I haven't really felt like writing these few days. I've been spending my time doing the usual; with Wazir, taking Brynna to art class, and sleeping. But I feel bored. I'm not getting enough time with Wazir as I would like. Seriously, am so bored of being in KL.. There's nothing to do but go to malls, or sit at home watching tv.

Somehow these few days I feel like something feels wrong. But everything is fine.. Wazir's back.. I'm here. We're together once more. Mum and Dad still haven't settled their differences, but that hasn't really bothered me that much before; could I be subconsciously bothered by it?

Dad and Lay Kheng have left for UK; her sister is getting married. I hardly said goodbye, they dropped by in the morning and I was still half asleep. Dad borrowed my camera to take pictures.

Currently I feel very confused. I really don't know how to describe the way I'm feeling right now. I just feel like.. I'm not satisfied with the way things are right now. I want to dig a huge hole and bury myself in it. I've been hiding myself in my room whenever I'm home. My appetite is gone [actually this has been since Wazir left], I guess all in all I'm feeling a little depressed. I don't know why. I mean, I'm happy. I have everything I could want. My family, friends, and Wazir love me so much.

I need to snap out of this. At this point.. there really isn't anything else missing. I do have everything and I should be thankful for it. I'm just feeling very unmotivated right now.. Hopefully when the short semester starts in 2 weeks I'll pick up the pace. Yea.. I should be fine soon. It's just a short phase.

I'm back

01 June 2005 10:06 pm 0 comments

Wazir's back!!! And so am I! I was so excited to see him right when I got back yesterday that I didn't object when mum said I could only go and see him if I cleaned the house and clothes. And I actually did it. :) He got me lovely stuff; a black studded handbag, a white tee, blue choker, and yellow wedges. :) Pictures later. Dad is going to UK tomorrow and he's taking my camera for 2 weeks. >.<

So.. My trip to Redang.. My first day there was quite boring. I was really tired and all I did was.. Sleep. I was horrified when I arrived there and discovered that it wasn't a 5-star resort, but a 5-star diving centre. No tv in the rooms!!! Thought it would be living hell. Spent all day sleeping in the room.

Sunday, my 2nd day was better. Mum and my aunt forced me to go snorkelling since I was getting bored and lazy. So I did, and it was fun. Spent lotsa time just bobbing up and down in the water... :P I went twice Sunday and twice Monday. Made a few friends as well; Joe, who works at the resort, and Alyssa, from KL.

Now that I'm back in KL, and I think about it.. I really do miss the walks on the beach and the sun. Gosh. Never thought I'd say that. I'm so tanned now. I look so Malay, lol. I already did but now I do, even more.

I'm dead tired. Need sleep. I know there's much more to say but am braindead. Night all.

PS> Cute site: bubble wrap Check it out. It's fun.
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